Since I graduated from high school, five years ago I stayed in contact with exactly two friends of my friends from growing up, and even that was hard work. Now that I'm in the process of moving to another country, my best friend from college has been added to that list.
Adult friendships are hard to keep up between all the responsibilities that we are now faced with. When 8+ hours of your day are spent working and you still have to do housework, cook dinner, and get a few hours of quality time with your spouse (or catch up on Netflix), plus squeeze in a work out and running errands, there is little to no time and energy left to play catch up with your friends. And I'm not even to the stage of my life where I have children.
Side note:: I'm convinced that mothers must receive some sort of super power after they give birth. How else can they do all that they do??
Adult friendships are so much harder when your friends do not even live in the same zip code, much less in the same time zone.
The last few days have been a struggle for me. Dealing with school work, actual work, living with my parents, and my husband going out in the field for the next month, among other things, has made me feel like I'm losing my sanity. So when one of my best friends texted me earlier this week gushing about being asked out on a date I did not have the emotional energy to respond. Which resulted in her becoming upset with me for not sharing in her joy, which, in turn, led to me not wanting to deal with that issue at all. So now it's been five days and we haven't talked at all. This is not normal folks. We normally have several different conversations running on different platforms, iMessage, Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook. Instead, nothing. Unless you count the random mass snapchat, which I don't.
So anyways, here are the worst parts about a LDF (Long Distance Friendship):
1. The Jealously
One of the hardest things I've had to deal with is watching my friends make new friends. Then seeing all of their posts about going out with their new friends and doing fun things, things that we used to do. When you're separated from people it's harder to remember how important they are to you. So while you're sitting at home on a Friday night, and they're sending snapchats of their crazy nights in the clubs with their new 'besties,' it's easy to feel replaced and forgotten.
2. Lack of Face-to-Face Conversations
There are a million and one studies and articles about how the Millennial's are the least social generation so far because we are so dependent on technology. To a point, it is true that because we have had the most access to technology we are more dependent on it, but that doesn't mean that socializing in person is not crucial for our social lives. We are so lucky that when we cannot be with our best friends or our significant others we still have the ability to FaceTime, iMessage, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, etc., etc. each other, but not talking to a person, in person definitely takes a huge toll on a friendship.
3. Not Being Able to Talk about Absolutely Everything
After going from living with one of my best friends to living in a country that is 8 hours ahead, I can safely tell you that instead of telling her about 90% of what happens in my life, I am now probably telling her about 25%. Most of the things that make the 'Must Tell Bestie List' are either really good things, or really bad things. Which can lead to giving her a really warped idea of what my life is like currently. She no longer knows that I spent the better half of my weekend laying in bed and watching Netflix, but she knows when I got my article published. She also no longer knows that my hubby and I spent the weekend laying in bed and watching Netflix (which is pretty much the best kind of weekend), but she knows that we had a huge fight on Friday. So she things my life is really exciting professionally, but my hubby is being a jerk, when neither are actually true.
4. Not Being Able to Read Their Emotions (as Well)
There are a lot of people that swear they know someone so well that they can even tell how they are feeling over text. That is not possible. One of the things I hate most about texting is that no one, no matter how well they might know me, can tell exactly the tone that I am saying something in. I could be saying something completely sarcastically, yet they'll take it as serious. Or I could be joking to try to lighten the mood at the end of an argument, but they'll think that I'm still angry. Honestly, I really don't like texting and would much rather just talk on the phone.
5. Not Wanting to 'Rub in' the Good Things or 'Be Depressing'
This doesn't just pertain to long distance friendships, although it seems to be worse in those situations. When you're in a really happy place (just met a new guy, got engaged, got a new job/promotion, etc) all you want to do is talk about how happy you are. I'm convinced that happiness loves company more than misery. When I'm happy, I want everyone to be happy, but sometimes if my friend is not in such a happy place I don't want to make them feel worse by talking about how happy I am. The same thing happens if I'm in a really terrible place (fighting with my SO, doing poorly on an exam, financial issues); I don't want to constantly be talking about how awful my life is. No one wants to be around someone who is depressing all the time, and I don't want to bring my friends down.
So moral of the story, is that staying in touch with people is really, really hard once you don't live in the same town. However, the extra effort is more than worth it to keep these amazing people in your life.
Anyways, it's past my bedtime. Good night lovelies.
Love,
Taylor ❤️
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